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Post by Lily Evans on Mar 29, 2009 16:59:33 GMT -5
Lily found it sort of odd and funny all at the same time. The way Severus seemed like a tenager and then at some points he seemed more like the adult he really was. Not to mention the value the conversation was holding: she was learning so much more about her and Severus. More than she ever thought she would. Just a little while ago she thought she wouldn't even speak to him ever again. And here she was.
"Well. At least we went down fighting." She replied.
By "we" she'd meant Severus and her, for Severus being a spy she guessed that he'd have to fight. She grinned at him. It really was nice being able to talk to him again. She missed his voice, their talks, and even though it's different now that was Severus was really an adult, it seemed so much the same. But she hated the fact that she thought for sure that Severus hated or, or couldn't stand of the sight of her.
She nodded absently at his reply. As much as she hated it, she already guessed that he had no idea. The question had been directed more at herself than anything. She gave Severus a half smile. She couldn't understand why she'd ruined his life. She was so good at reading him, she always knew that, so why then, couldn't she read how much she was about to hurt him? Would she have done the same thing if she'd have known? She would hope not. She sighed.
"We haven't?" She half asked, though she already knew it had to be true.
That made no difference. Severus was just trying to change the future. He hated her. But he had to involve her or nothing would be changed. Maybe he thought that by telling her all of this he would live a happy life in the future, not one strangled by demons of the past. She knew he never wanted her to die ad that's what happened. He must want her to know he never meant it and then life would go on as it had.
"My eyes?" She liked the idea. "He must be a good looking boy..." She glanced up at Severus. "Thank you for telling me."
James was never how she would have imagined one of her children to look anything like. Actually, she never gave that much thought. It was sad, really. As much as she knew she already loved her Harry, she was already deterimed she wanted nothing to do with James. Not anymore. But her sights were all off. There was no way it could happen. Severus had to hate her, and looking back, she couldn't blame him.
"Do you...or did you hate me, Sev?" She asked him, her eyes focused on the grass as she absentmindly played with a strand of her red hair. "I mean. I know you say you forgive me and everything, but that doesn't mean..." She bit down on her bottom lip. "I wouldn;t blame you if you did, after everything I did to you. I just have to know."
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Severus Snape
7th Year [A:1]
"After All This Time Severus? Always."
Posts: 59
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Post by Severus Snape on Mar 29, 2009 17:15:28 GMT -5
Severus nodded "yeah he has your eyes" Severus said. "Sorted in Gryffindor too" he said with a nod. Severus didn't get along with her son very well that was true, but for the longest time he had thought that harry was more like his father, more than Lily. Lily was the only other Gryffindor he ever really talked to. For the most part he didn't get along with them.
Severus was shocked by her question. Did he hate her? Of course he didn't. "No of course not. I could never hate you" he said. "Why in merlins name would you think that I hate you?" he asked. In fact it's just the opposite. I Love you. he though to himself, afraid to say it out loud. Severus was never good at talking about his feelings, especially these kind of feelings.
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Post by Lily Evans on Mar 29, 2009 17:32:02 GMT -5
He sounded so much like her already, she thought with a soft smile forming on her features. She could imagine a small boy that looked so much like James with her green eyes. But she didn't like James, and yet his looks seemed to fit the vison of her son. Maybe because it already happened. Lily's smile soon turned into a frown as she realized that by changing the future that boy she imagined will no longer exist.
"He sounds like me, then." She said with a nod.
She didn't want to end up with James, nor did she want to ruin her son's life. Like she ruined Severus's. Everything was cloudy and confusing and miserable. The one person she wanted to be with would never want her and she couldn't blame him. She glanced up at the blue sky riddled with a few white and fluggy clouds. She had to find a way without James Potter. Especially now that she was friends with Severus.
His answer shocked and surprised her. He had to hate her. It just made sense that he would. How couldn't he? After all that she had done to him, it was more than she deserved really. She looked up at him, green eyes meeting black once more. How could she explain it? She just knew that he had too. She frowned slightly, though she was glad by his words. She doubted their truth, though she had no reason to think he was only making something up. She shook her head.
"It's just that....how can't you hate me, Sev? After everything that happened, how can you not hate me? You have every right to hate me, really." She attempted to explain. It wasn't enough, but it would have to do.
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Severus Snape
7th Year [A:1]
"After All This Time Severus? Always."
Posts: 59
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Post by Severus Snape on Mar 29, 2009 17:47:57 GMT -5
"I don't though. I can't even if i wanted to, which i wouldn't. I mean i have my reasons" he replied. "It's just the opposite infact" he muttered quietly and as quickly as possible, hoping that if she did catch him saying that she wouldn't know what he meant by it. He couldn't help, but to say it. He was unsure if he should have, but felt like he had to.
Severus wasn't sure why he never told her how he really felt, even if he wasn't good with discussing feelings. He still didn't understand why he continued to keep it to himself. It really seemed much harder to keep it to himself then say it outloud.
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Post by Lily Evans on Mar 29, 2009 18:01:18 GMT -5
Of all people Lily knew Severus had a hard time explaining his feelings, or even mentioning them. He wasn't the sortto go and cry because that would be showing his feelings, instead of crying he may just get mad instead, something like what happened the day she defended him by the lake with those marauder's. He took it out on her.
She listened closely, sure she should when he was trying to explain how he felt. She smiled at him more to encourage him. He could too hate her if wanted to, who couldn't? She was sure even Potter could. But she listened anway, sometimes shaking her head when her ears picked up on something she guessed he'd rather keep to himself, judging by how fast he let it go. She looked at him curiously.
She tried to dissect the meaning behind those few words. The opposite? But the opposite of hate was love, of course, he didn't mean that. He couldn't mean that, not toward someone as horrible as she. Not to someone who had ruined his life and made him hurt since he was fifeteen. So, no, Severus couldn't love her. Could he? Perhaps it made more sense, that being the only she guessed he couldn't hate her. Because anyone else would hate her for it. That she was sure of.
"Sev...." She hesitated. "What do you mean? You can tell me."
She loved him. She guessed she always had, though she'd put it in the back of her mind for some time now. It was unbelievanle that he would love her. Besides, she was rude and horrible, which she already mentioned. Yet, she couldn't keep herself from hoping for the impossible. And it was impossible that he could ever love her back.
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Severus Snape
7th Year [A:1]
"After All This Time Severus? Always."
Posts: 59
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Post by Severus Snape on Mar 29, 2009 18:41:43 GMT -5
"I-" Severus started, but didn't know how to say what he wanted to. This was really hard for him to say, especially to her face, and everything. It was weird though, since Severus could really tell Lily pretty much everything, except when it come to how he felt for her It took him a few minutes, but he finally spoke, He took a deep breathe then told her. "Fine I mean that I can't hate you, because I love you" he said, but this time didn't say it too fast.
He even thought about showing her his patronus, since well it was exactly like hers. He didn't though at least not yet. He wasn't sure if he should or not at this point. It was hard enough telling her what he just did. Besides he wasn't even sure if showing her it would prove it or not competely. He wasn't sure what she would think if she seen it.
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Post by Lily Evans on Mar 29, 2009 18:55:55 GMT -5
She was almost one hundred percent postive he wasn't going to tell her, especially when he didn't finish what he was saying right away. She guessed tihs would happen even when she first asked it. Severus wasn't the easiest person in the world to get to discuss the way he feels, especially about something that could become a rather touchy subject.
She was ready for that, but when he did finish what he was saying, she found out that she was wrong. She gazed at him. What? Did she even hear him right? She was sure she did, she was sure he wasn't lying to. What reason would he have to lie to her? Plus, it made sense when someone looked at it, but Lily still couldn't make sense of it. She was sure she heard the words wrong now, though he didn't say them fast this time. She blinked a few times.
"What?" She asked stupidly.
She knew what he said now. She knew it wasn't any sort of joke and it had to be true, for what reason did someone who's already lived twenty years have to lie to a seventeen year old Lily? She couldn't believe, at first. But now that the words started to sink in more and more she was actually starting to believe it. Really believe it, because it just made sense.
"Y-you do?" She managed to smile at him.
She was blushing now, her cheeks almost matching the flame color of her hair. She kept glancing from her toes to his eyes, each time she managed to look in his eyes her blush would increase. She knew she had to say something, or she was sure he would just walk away embarrased and they would never speak to each other again. She knew she had, but this was hard for her too. Maybe not as hard as it had been for Severus.
"I-I think I love you too Sev." She added in the think, because she was only seventeen and hadn't had nearly as long to think about it as Severus had.
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Severus Snape
7th Year [A:1]
"After All This Time Severus? Always."
Posts: 59
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Post by Severus Snape on Mar 29, 2009 19:27:16 GMT -5
He laughed a little when she said what "I'm not repeating myself again" he joked with a smile. When she asked hm if he did he nodded "I always have" he admited truthfully. He rememberd the first time he realized it too, or well he remembered the first time he knew he had feelings fo her. He didn't really fall in love with her until a few years later.
When she said that she thinks she loves him too he just looked at her shocked, no him being shocked was a big understatement. He knew she was saying she thought that, since well she was only 17, but still he didn't even expecg THAT. He wasn't expecting that answer at all. If anything he would have expected HER not to. He had always thought that what he felt would always be one sided.
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Post by Lily Evans on Mar 29, 2009 19:36:50 GMT -5
She grinned at him and nodded. She'd been surprised enough that he even told her the first time, so she wasn't really expecting him to say it again. She liked the fact that he hadn't rurn away or anything before she'd finsihed. She was a little afraid that perhaps he would. She didn't want him to do that, afterall. It felt. She sighed, glad that she did tell him.
Her blush only deepened as the conversation progressed. She thought back to earlier that day. She would never have thought something like this was going to happen. Talking to Severus hadn't even been on her agenda, let alone the two of them spilling out their feelings and talking about Severus coming from the future. She smiled at him again.
"You have?" It wasn't exactly a question.
She really should have guessed it. He always acted a bit like that. And he did come back in time and talked to her. Why hadn't she seen it before? Maybe it was because she was blinded by so many things in her life. She never thought about something like this, and love wasn't exactly at the top of her list of to-doss. But she was glad. And he looked surprised by her response, making her think he thought the same.
"I think I may have always too, but I never thought about it until recently..." She admitted. "Are you alright?" She asked, blushing again.
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Severus Snape
7th Year [A:1]
"After All This Time Severus? Always."
Posts: 59
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Post by Severus Snape on Mar 29, 2009 22:12:53 GMT -5
Severus nodded"why do you think i turned into a spy?" he asked. Her death was what really did it for him. He smiled when she blushed "Your adorable when you blush like that you know that" he said not helping but to comment on it. He liked it when she blushed
"Yeah I'm fine just shocked is all" he said truthfully, when she asked him if he was okay. "really wasn't expecting you to say that, so it came as a shock" he said a few seconds later. That reply sort of caught him off guard.
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Post by Lily Evans on Mar 29, 2009 22:21:14 GMT -5
"Oh." She replied with a little smile.
She really should have put it all together much earlier. From all that he was saying, it all seemed to form around this one truth. This one truth she still hadn't been able to fully grasp. The one person that seemed so far out of her reach, actually liked her too. This surprised her.
His next comment, or compliment, made her blush deepen. Well, on the plus sign this whole secret coming out seemed to be making him more brave. That was a good thing, in Lily's opinon. She didn't think anyone would think blushng was cute, but then again she'd been too busy with books in her nose to notice that people would actually like her. She even missd all of Severus's hints. Of course, breaking the frienship hadn't helped.
"Thanks." She replied quietly.
She nodded. She wasn't sure why he hadn't seen, well, she should. Since she did hide it all from him and everything. She watched him when he wasn't looking. She was always there, he just never knew. Leaving him behind was the hardest and stupidest thing she'd ever done. But now, hopefully they could fix it all. Even though she'd already ruined his former life. She smiled at him. She just had to make this one better.
"You shocked me too." She admitted with a grin.
She was getting rather tired of looking up at him, seeing as Lily had been sitting the whole time and he'd been standing. Actually, she was starting to feel a little intimmated. She smiled up at him. She was sure he wouldn't mind sitting anyway.
"Why don't you sit down?" She asked, patting the spot next to her under the tree.
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Severus Snape
7th Year [A:1]
"After All This Time Severus? Always."
Posts: 59
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Post by Severus Snape on Mar 30, 2009 20:26:39 GMT -5
Severus smiled, and sat down next to her. He missed this. It had been a long time since he sat next to her just talking."I shocked you?" he asked confused. That didn't make much sense. He never thought HE would shock her.
The truth was he never thought she could feel the same away about him, as he did her. No scratch that he believed that she never would or even could for that matter, which was why he was always afraid to say something. He was glad he did though.
He smiled when her blush deepened. He liked watching her blush. It was just too cute "Well your welcome" he said with a smile at her. "I really missed you Lil" he said with a smile, using his favorite nickname for her.
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Post by Lily Evans on Mar 30, 2009 20:39:46 GMT -5
She nodded with a shy smile. Of course he shocked her. Never would she have thought he felt the same about her. And maybe he felt even more, judging by his age and love is only supposed to mature after age if she remembered correctly. However, this whole truth thing would have been so much better if it wasn't the first time Severus heard it after twenty years.
"Yes." She replied. "I never thought you felt that way about me. I guess I never thought..." She broke off. She took a deep breath. "If I'd have known...well I'd hope I wouldn't have done that to you...it must have been really...hard. I'm sorry Sev. I wouldn't have thought..." She shook her head.
It was all so very true. Of course, she might not have changed the way she handled the whole situation. It had been a hard time for her. The Marauder's were only getting worse in that year and she kept having to worry about Severus too. She couldn't help but get angry, and then she decided against making it all work out in hopes that it would better him somehow. She had to try. But the thought that he lived an entire lifetime the way he was forced to hurt Lily in more than one way.
When he did sit next to her again, though he had a while ago at this point, she couldn't help but admit that she loved it. She missed the ability to be able to talk to him, share everything with him, and just sit next to each other. She couldn't imagine how it must feel for him. She had only had to deal with it for two years, whereas he had to deal with it for twenty.
She nodded in agreement, her eyes refocused on the grass. She couldn't bear to look in his eyes again, nor to see his face. After what she'd done. She really didn't deserve him. She knew that. But no matter what, she had to be there for him. If it was what he wanted, even if she didn't deserve it, she knew that he did. She finally lifted her head back up and smiled at him again.
"I missed you too Sev." She agreed. "It's nice talking to you again."
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Severus Snape
7th Year [A:1]
"After All This Time Severus? Always."
Posts: 59
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Post by Severus Snape on Apr 4, 2009 17:56:33 GMT -5
Severus forgot to say something, so sorta of randomly just said it. "Oh yeah it was the second secret keeper i was talking about, not the original one" he said. As much as he hated Sirius he didn't want Lily to think, if it ever came down to it again that Sirius had been the one who was the spy.
"How are things with your sister" he asked, though he pretty much already knew the answer. He was a bit curious though. After all he wasn't sure what exactly had happened with Lily and Lily's sister after they stopped talking. He knew they never got along, but still... That and it was well something to talk about. Though If Lily didn't wish to talk about it then he wouldn't.
He smiled "yes it is nice, very nice actually" he said agreeing with her. It also felt completely different. Then again it had been quiet awhile since they last talked, especially for him. He wasn't used to it very much. He liked talking to her though.
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Post by Lily Evans on Apr 7, 2009 16:11:46 GMT -5
His words confused her. It didn't make sense, but that was, of course, because she didn't know their were two secret keepers yet. She wasn't even sure who the first was supposed to be. This information was no longer important to Lily, however, she was already set on changing her old future. She wanted to avoid James...at least in the sense of dating. He was dangerous, that was apparent to the seventeen year old.
"So. We had two secret keepers?" She asked, confused. "Why?"
Her sister. She shook her head and sighed. Petunia was so difficult. As children they were more of less stuck at the hip, they couldn't stay away from eachother for long periods of time. She missed those days. The time she found out Lily was a witch and Petunia was wrong and she was muggle, well Petunia hated her, resented her. At first, for a few years, they were still able to talk some. That all stopped.
"Her?" She shook her head. "Petunia's impossible. She won't stop carrying out that stupid grudge." She looked at him now, a frown forming on her features. "I can't believe Harry had to live with her...she must have hated him. Sev, how did she treat him?" She asked.
She smiled at his words. She was glad. She had hurt him for so many years. She was sure he suffered through it all. She had been horrible to him. They had gone through so much together and she just broke it off like that. She never thought about how much it hurt him. Let alone how much it had hurt her. He had to deal with it for ages, and it had always been all her fault. She was so mean.
"It hurt me to, when I stopped talking to you. I never did get over it." She admitted.
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