Can You See What I See? (Severus)

[Lily Evans]

It was Saturday, most teenagers favorite time of the week. It wasn't Lily's. She felt almost helpless and useless. And worse: she was bored. She had spent several hours reading on Potions. She was rather good at the subject. But one could only study so much before getting bored.

She glanced out the window from her dormitory, a sigh escaping her lips. Most students were outdoors playing. She was almost sure James would be out with the other Marauder's. What did she see in him? She shook her head. It was all too strange. Ever since James began to grow a brain, her feelings centered around him had changed. It was such an abrupt change she couldn't help but wonder if she was crazy.

She shoved those thoughts aside. At least he wouldn't betray her like Severus had. She forced herself off from her four poster bed. Her spun for several seconds due to the amount of time she'd spent sitting around with her nose in that book. She blinked several times. Her eyes were a little fuzzy and took a few moments before she could see clearly again.

When they adjusted she went over and shoved her feet into the depths of her boots. She bent over to tie the laces. What would she do? Nothing sounded fun. Maybe she could go and find James. She didn't think that sounded thrilling either. She took her Head Girl badge and pinned it to her robes. She was proud to have been chosen, though she didn't believe she was worthy anymore. She wasn't the same Lily she had been several years before.

She made her way slowly out of the castle, shuffling her feet. She shoved open the door that led to the grounds. She liked the feeling of the cool air that swept against her face. It felt so much better than that stuffy dorm. Feeling more refreshed she made her way toward the lake. It was always a refreshing place, really. She frequented the lake whenever something was on her mind. She found a rather smooth spot under a tree looking out to the lake. That's when she heard footsteps approach her. As soon as she noted who it was she turned her head down again. She didn't want to talk to him.

"Severus." She mumbled, refusing to use his old nickname.

((Sorry, it's not the best. Tell me if you need me to edit anything.))

[Severus Snape]

Severus sighed to himself, as he walked around. About a half hour, or so ago he decided he'd take a walk. He had been thinking a lot lately, and decided he needed some time to himself. He had a lot to think about.No one knew this, but he was from the future, well in a way he was, and is just complicated to explain. There was only ONE person who knows this, but of course Severus is oblivious to the fact. In fact he thinks that Voldemort is dead. He has no idea that instead of being dead he's back here in the past too.

Severus really isn't sure what to do. He has all these memories of future events, and isn't sure if he could keep them to himself or not. A part of him really wanted to just tell others whats going to happen, however he knows that he really shouldn't. Well that, and he knew that if he said anything people would most likely think he was crazy.For one for one of the first times he didn't know what to do. Normally Severus knew what to do, or at least had some sort of idea, but not now. He was actually stumped.

Severus really hated that he knew all of this information, well a part of him did. The other part of him seen it as an opportunity to try and change just not HIS past, but the Wizarding Worlds as well. He wanted to see Voldemort gone for good. The only problem with wanting to change the past?. It was highly dangerous. He shouldn't even be considering it, as it could always just make things worse. He didn't just want to sit back, and watch it all happen again...well to him it would be again. For them well it would be the real thing. None of them had no idea what was coming. How could they?

He hadn't been paying much attention to where he was going, so he had no idea that Lily was right there near him, or that he was heading towards her. He was deep in thought. A part of him really wanted to at least be on good terms with Lily again, even if they would never be as close as they once were. Knowing what would happen to her in just 4 short years didn't help very much either. In fact it made him feel even worse.

You could just tell that something was bothering him. Ever since, well he was transported here he had been acting very strangely, or well to the other students he was. There was just something very different about him, and as there should be? He wasn't really his teenage self. No he was his future self in his teenage self's body. Severus didn't know Lily was there until he heard her mumble. He then snapped out of it. He wasn't sure if he should say anything or not. He, or well his teenage self had tried for the past 2 years to talk to her, but she didn't want to talk. Then again he didn't blame her, after what he had called her and everything.

[Lily Evans]

He wasn't going away, or so she thought. He was rather annoying. But....no. She pushed away what her next thought would be. She shouldn't have any feelings for the jerk. Not even friendly feelings! After what he did? After what her best friend had transformed into? She shouldn't feel anything for the stupid git.

But she did. She rolled her eyes. It was rather irritating. Funny. When they were friends, Lily never knew she had that sort of feeling for him. It was only until he was gone from her life that she knew what she was missing. Well, not that it should be much to miss. Why did everything have to be so complicated? Weren't seventeen year olds just supposed to be out having fun and dancing the night away?

No one warned her about strong crushes that ceased to go away. If only she knew he was changed, or well sort of. He'd had to mature. She hadn't. She glanced up quickly, but just as soon as her eyes landed on his, they were brought back to the ground. Why did she keep looking at him? She mentally cursed herself for this lack of control.

Lily had no idea what the future would hold if it continued the way it did, and she had no idea the boy before her actually knew what was going to happen. She sighed and lifted her head up to face him. Why had he done that to her? If he hadn't...she tossed the thought from her mind. She didn't want to think about it. She didn't want to think about anything!

"What do you want..." She bit her bottom lip. "Sev." She finished the sentence.

Severus just didn't sound right. She'd been calling him by this nickname for the longest time now. She couldn't just give it up, could she? Why did this have to be so hard? She couldn't help but ask herself this over and over again. None of it made sense and being Lily, she wanted everything to make sense. A big part of her heart and mind wanted to talk to Sev. To make everything fine again. She wasn't sure if that was the smart thing to do. What if he only hurt her again?

[Severus Snape]

Severus really thought about telling her what was going to happen, since he was right here and all. It was the best time right?. That,and well it was bugging the heck out of him. He almost started too, but stopped "Nothing just forget it" he said quietly, after stopping himself. It isn't like she'd believe him anyways. I mean it would seem pretty far fetched to him if he were her.

Severus wanted to talk to her about the whole mudblood thing, which was really part of the reason why he was still standing here, but he wasn't sure if he should, or how to.He wasn't sure what to say anymore. He had tried every way for the past 2 years to talk about it, but it hadn't worked then. Why would it now? He was really out of ideas.

Deep down He also wasn't really sure if it was worth it to continue to try anymore either, even if he really wanted to. For all he knew she could do what she had did before, not that he would blame her. He just wasn't sure if he could go through that again though. It had been hard enough the first time. he wasn't sure if he could do it a second time, especially for 2 years like he did before.

[Lily Evans]

What was he hiding? What was he doing? These were the thoughts that ran through Lily's mind as she contemplated him. Lily wasn't stupid, she knew something was up. She had no idea what it was, but she'd known Severus for years. And he was...looking strange? She frowned.

She just wasn't sure what to anymore. Right and wrong went straight and took a left a very long time ago. She didn't know what was right anymore. Should she talk to him? Probably not, besides, he didn't seem like he wanted to talk to her. He hadn't opened his mouth once! He just stood there looking at her! She wasn't sure how to take this.

What was he thinking? Was he mad at her now? It was two years ago! She'd have thought he would have been able to move on. It had seemed that way. He had friends. Sometimes, when she watched him, he was with friends. So, she didn't get it. What was the matter with him? She couldn't help but be concerned. Though she wasn't open with the fact, even to him, she still thought of him as a friend in the very least.

But how could she approach this? Just ask him and pretend nothing ever happened? Lily couldn't do that. She'd ended it for a reason...what was that reason again? She shook her head. She needed to get her thoughts together. That seemed impossible since they all seemed intermixed. How was she supposed to handle a situation like this?

"Sev...." She began. "What's the matter? I know somethings up!" She added, her green eyes hardening as they stared into his black eyes.

[Severus Snape]

"It's nothing. You wouldn't believe me anyway if i told you anyways" he said with a sigh. "No one would" he added quietly to himself. Okay well maybe saying it was nothing was lying, and was very well..It was just the wrong thing to say. it was certainly more than nothing. "Just forget it" "Besides It's something you wouldn't want to know I certainly regret knowing" he mumbled to himself.

Well in a way he regretted it. Only, because deep down he knew he shouldn't do much about it no matter how much he wanted to. He knew that was true. I mean who honestly would want to know something like that. Who would want to know how, why, and when they'd die. "I'll just leave you alone" he said quietly, before starting to walk slowly away

Even though Severus didn't want to walk away like he was. He knew she was only asking, and that she was still angry with him. Truth was he was still angry at himself too so it didn't really bother him. He'd figure he'd leave her alone though. He didn't really want to risk being yelled at if he tried to talk to her, even though he really wanted to. Well okay he didn't KNOW if she'd yell at him, but she for the last 2 years he tried to. It's just what he expected would happen.

[Lily Evans]

Why did he have to be so difficult? It was the first time Lily spoke back to him without yelling at him in ages. She didn't like this: now it seemed very likely that he'd given up on her for good and there was no going back. Not even on friendly terms. She mentally cursed herself.

It hurt to think about it. It always had. That was the main reason Lily would ignore him when he wanted to talk to her. She was afraid of being weak and just giving in. They had been best friends for ages. Whenever she thought about him or whenever someone mentioned his name, it hurt. She'd never imagined anything could be so painful.

She was about to speak, to protest. She wanted to tell him she'd believe anything he told her, if only...if only what? She blinked a few times. She wouldn't. Not really. She could be lying. There were limits, and the last thing Lily wanted was a row with her former friend. She wanted to press the issue still. She was worried about him and she didn't know how to push this worry aside, though she wished that she could.

She'd grown up a lot over the past two years. Silently she would watch Severus whenever she was sure he wouldn't notice. She couldn't help it. Totally cutting herself away from him..it would have been impossible. She had to see how he was handling everything. She'd become more mature, more silent, and not so childish to believe things came true. Nothing was how she thought it would be. She always thought her and Severus would be friends forever.

Her eyes widened when he seemed to be leaving. She should just let him go and live his own life. She shouldn't put him through more pain than she already had. Before she knew what was she was doing she streched out her hand and held his arm, attempting to force him to stay. She shook her head. She opened and closed her mouth, She wasn't sure what to do. She wasn't sure what was right anymore.

"Please Sev." She half begged. "Stay."

[Severus Snape]

When Severus tried to walk away he felt Lily's hand on his arm. "Why?" Severus asked, as he turned towards her. "I see no reason to stay here" he said a few seconds later. "Ive tried for the past 2 years to actually talk to you, and instead you yell, not that i blame you" He added. He really didn't blame her. What he had said was horrible, but he couldn't take it anymore.

"but I'm done Lily. It doesn't matter how much I want you to forgive me, or how sorry I am. I can't go through this anymore. I don't think i can take it..no i know i can't take it" he said. He didn't like what he was saying, but it was the truth. He really wanted really badly to be on good terms with her again, but emotionally he wasn't sure if he could take it anymore, It hurt too much. It hurt more than she would actually really know.

[Lily Evans]

He was, of course, right. She was paralyzed as every word he muttered hit her. He was right. She hated that he was right. Everything was just so hard, so overwhelming. She wasn't how to control it. She didn't want it anymore. She wanted to go back in time and change it all. Mayne she should have just begged him to change? Maybe then they'd still be friends.

She only managed to nod. He didn't blame her? She thought he did. He should blame her. She ruined their friendship forever by saying what she had. But she had only been fifteen and she wasn't ready to see Severus change for the worst. She had thought it would be healthier for him. She thought that since he wouldn't have to protect her anymore, maybe, just maybe he would find some real friends and stray away from the Death Eater path. She had been wrong.

"I know." She mumbled.

She hated herself at the moment. She wasn't sure why she had even spoke to him again. She'd been avoiding it. But he was right there. And she wanted it. And now that she had, she regretted it. It was almost like she broke their friendship a second time. It hurt just as it had the first time she did it. She should have kept it alone. Why had Sev come to see her? Why did he have to hurt her? Of course, he wouldn't know that he had. He wasn't his fault. But she couldn't stand it anymore!

"I know." She mumbled again. She had hurt him, his words had proven just that. And there was no way she could take it back. "I'm sorry." She managed to say. She was sorry. She was sorry she'd hurt him.

[Severus Snape]

Severus really didn't know what to say for a few seconds there. He didn't understand why it was that SHE was the one saying sorry. Even if she did end up hurting him he still didn't get why she was doing it. He felt he was the one that should be saying sorry, rather than her even if her not listening hurt him. "You had every right to yell, weather i liked it or not" he said. "That's why i don't blame you. I shouldn't have said it" he said. "and I hate myself for it" he said a few seconds later.

"You shouldn't be the one saying sorry. I'm the one who's sorry" he said. If he hadn't of said what he had then Lily wouldn't have ended the friendship, which caused all the yelling, and severus trying to apologize. It was all just one big chain reaction. It had also been a lot harder on Severus, because well Lily had been the only one who had actually been there for him when it was important. Well aside from his own mother that is.

[Lily Evans]

She feared it. She thought he was going to leave and that it was going to be the last she'd ever see of him again. But he never left. He was silent for a few seconds, but he wasn't leaving like she feared he was going to. She kept her eyes focused to the ground. She didn't want to look up, because maybe then he would leave her. She didn't want him to.

She should have yelled at him? Why? She shouldn't have. If she hadn;'t, they;d still be friends...maybe even more. No. She wouldn't let herself think like that. It would hurt her too much. It would hurt because she knew it wasn't about to happen. Nothing would happen. He hates himself for it? No! He shouldn't. She never wanted that. She didn't want him to hate himself.

"No." She stated, looking up at him again. "I don't want that. Please. Don't hate yourself, Sev." She pleaded. "Even if you think it was right, I can't agree. It shouldn't have ended like that, Sev."

It was true. Or. At least it was true to her. She shouldn't have ended what was a great friendship for that. That was a stupid reason. She sighed again. This was all a mess. Was there a way she could fix it? She really doubted it. Two years worth of pain couldn't be fixed. And it was all her fault. She'd made him hate himself. She didn't like that.

He wasn't understanding, he wasn't getting it. He HAD said sorry. She should have accepted that. And he had matured..or something. He realized what he had done. She'd putt him through so much more pain than was ever really necassary. She couldn't say sorry enough, she knew that. She shook her head, her eyes determined.

"No. You already did...." She stated. "I'm sorry I hurt you...I-Ishouldn't have..I d-didn't know it was that bad." She added.

[Severus Snape]

"Why not? it was a horrible thing to say" he replied when she said he shouldn't hate himself. "I should have never said it" he said a few seconds later. He regretted it ever since. Normally Severus didn't keep those such words in his vocabulary. Sure he was a Slytherin, but he never said ANYTHING that horrible to a person. He had his boundaries.

He couldn't stand that fact than when it slipped out of his mouth accidentally, that it had been directed toward Lily of all people. When she was defending him none the less."I don't care if i said it already or not. It shouldn't have been said to begin with" he said. It didn't matter if he said it already or not. "It's fine" he said. "It's over with" he said. "There's really no changing it" he said.

[Lily Evans]

"I know it was, Sev...but." She didn't know how to end it.

Nothing would be forgotten and nothing would change. She wanted it all to change. She wanted to be friends eith him again. She wanted to forget it all. But he wouldn't forgive himself for saying the stupid thing! She didn't care anymore. How could she? She was so sick and tired of avoiding him. She didn't want to anymore. She wanted to be his friend again.

"You can't change what you said, Sev. Someone can't just go back in time and change something like that. "How ironic, for he was back in time, of course she wouldn't know this. "Please forgive yourself." She pleaded.

If she thought he was going to live his life in misery for one accident, she wasn't going to lead a normal life, either. She was determined. She wasn't going to allow him to live that miserably. She wanted him to be happy. She'd hurt him too much for him to be happy even around her, but she wanted him to be happy at least when she wasn't around.

It's fine? She couldn't believe he would say something like that. It wasn't fine! She'd hurt him. Lily was the loyal one, the brave one, she should have been able to handle it. The last thing she would have ever wanted was to hurt someone so deeply. It was really more than anything out of her nature to do something like that. Sometimes she still couldn't believe it.

"It's not fine. Not to me. I shouldn't have done that. I'm so sorry Sev, I never wanted to hurt you." It was honest.

[Severus Snape]

"Not necessarily" he muttered under his breathe when she said people couldn't go back in time, hoping she didn't catch that. He knew he shouldn't have said it, but couldn't help it. I mean technically he was back in time, not far enough to change the mud blood incident obviously, but still when it came down to it he WAS in the past. "Fine I forgive myself" he said. She did have some points, but he still felt that it was his fault. He just didn't argue with her.

"I'm over it really. Sure it hurt, but its the past i forgive you" he said, even though he still didn't think it was all her fault. That well, and technically he had over 20 or so years to deal with it, rather than the 2 years people would THINK he had, of course he didn't say that out loud. That would be..well it would be pretty hard to believe for one. secondly well he thought it would be pretty unwise to say, though a part of him wanted to say it.

[Lily Evans]

"What do you mean?" She asked, her curiosity sparked.

She'd heard him mutter, but she couldn't be sure she'd heard it right. For what he said was bizarre to say the least. But from what she knew about Severus, he had some bizarre tendencies. Maybe it was nothing. But she was curious now. She needed to know what he meant. What she really needed was to keep him here talking to her. She was so afraid that if he left now it would be the last she would hear of him.

"Thank you, Sev." She smiled.

He forgave himself. She wasn't sure if he meant it or not, but she didn;t want to think that he didn't. She just wanted everything to be fine again. And he'd at least said it, and that in itself was enough to make her smile. She was just so happy to be talking to him again. Even if she had been stubborn at first, that hadn't meant that she never wanted to talk to him again. She missed him to say the least.

Was he really over it? After just two years? Or was he lying? It was apparent that she didn't mean as much to hum as he did for her. But that would be fine. What she wanted to say, or ask next, was if they could be friends again, but she was sure it would sound childish and he wouldn't agree. She was sure he would want to be as far away from her as possible.

"Thank you." She replied in terms of the whole forgiveness topic. "It's nice talking to you again." She admitted. It wasn't what she wanted to say, but it would due.